MyJournal

I want to write this up, before I forget. On the 19th of October, me and Rubik man went to Amsterdam, to visit his sister. We stayed there from the 19th, to the 22nd, and it so happened that his sister and her boyfriend were in the middle of switching apartments, so we got to stay in their old one!

Anyway, while the weather sucked the whole time, it was still so, so much fun. And I think I absolutely fell in love with it. To be fair, maybe its just the comparison with Ireland, which the last couple years seems to be becoming an increasingly stressful and miserable place to live in. But yes, I was completely enamoured with Netherlands.

The first night there, we got there kinda late, but we ended up going for a short walk around town, around midnight. And despite it being so late, we didn't feel uncomfortable or weary at all. I'd never be comfortable taking a walk in the middle of the night in Ireland. It was beautiful, and even at this late hour there were plenty of people out in the streets. But it wasn't rowdy at all, a lot of people were sitting in the outdoor sitting areas in restaurants and bars by the space heaters chatting and such. It was really pleasant to be able to take a walk like that and to feel completely safe.

Another thing I loved there, is the architecture, which I'm sure everyone says. But all the buildings are so beautiful, and all different. I love the large windows, the high ceilings, the brick pavements. And despite being a city, it didn't feel like a 'cement jungle' at all. I think partially it is due to the fact that everywhere, absolutely everywhere, in apartments, on street corners, in shops, restaurants, absoltely everywhere there are tons and tons of plants. And though they're mostly potted plants, the sheer amount of them makes the city feel a lot more alive and ... organic? I really loved it. There's also something I guess to be said about how for there to be such an amount of plants all over, there must be people taking care of them. And there's something really lovely about the idea of everyone putting this earnest effort and care into this. I've a hard time putting into words what I mean exactly. It's nice to see people care for their city? Their living environment?

Anyway, the next day we went to the Vrolik museum, displaying a huge variety of animal and human bones, as well as some plants. That was really fun for me, being a general ... nature... dork. I loved the animal skeletons the most, and trying to recognise what I could which was really fun. However it did make me realise I really need to focus on learning more latin names of animals, because a lot of the labels there were only in latin, and didn't have common names. And being a self proclaimed nature dork, I felt actually pretty lame not recognising a lot of them. So that's on my to do list. One of the non animal things featured there that I thought was awesome, was a jar labeled 'Molar Pregnancy'. Which from what I remember, is when for some reason the 'featus' (though I dont think it counts as such) is missing the male half of the genes entirely. So, without a blueprint for making a human, it just becomes a... mass of cells. And there's something really cool and strange about it. No blueprint, no instructions for a human, but there's an attempt to grow something. Just a mass of cells. It tried lol. I don't know, there's something morbid and fascinating about it in a way I can't explain.

We also went to the Ripley's Belive it or Not museum. Which was pretty fun, but I feel like it could be better curated. The first 1/3 of the museum was really cool, the parts consisting of Ripley's genuine collections. But the further you went, the more it felt like they were just trying to fill space. A mass of baby bell wax isn't exactly very fascinating. There was also a painting made my a local 14 year old girl. And (no offence at all intended to the girl), there was no actual reason for that painting to be there. It wasn't made with any unusual materials, it wasn't very strange, or of anything strange, and it wasn't outstandingly skilled. It was just.. a painting by a local 14 year old. A lot of the museum also seemed to display either false information, or information that was very vague in a misleading way. Which, I don't really understand. There's plenty of very interesting true and bizarre information in this world, why try to exagurrate? The same thing, as the displays. There's plenty of interesting things that could be displayed, far more than some of the things they had. So yes, I think the curation could be better. But still, it was very fun none the less. They did have a lot of displays of two headed animals though, which was pretty cool. They also had a taxidermied no headed baby goat, which I think is the most bizarre and interesting birth defect I've seen in an animal.

We did also take a boat tour, which despite all the rain was still really fun. The whole city was so beautiful. Which reminds me, oh yes! I really love all the biking everywhere. Far preferable to streets filled with cars. And the public transport is so good too. Definitely better than anything we have in Ireland hah.

Oh! I almost forgot. We went to a concert, (I can't remember who of, honestly) it was mostly edm, and man, I had so much fun. Sometimes I feel a little awkward that I'm not super expressive at concerts and it may seem to others that I'm not enjoying myself, but I had so, so much fun. I did want to drink a bit that night, and I couldn't because I forgot that I took my medication that day, a bit later than intended, and I can't mix that with alcohol. So that made me a little sad, I feel like I'd have been a bit more relaxed if I could have drank. But still, it was really nice. I might have a bit awkward, but I did sway a little bit, which might sound pathetic but that's thats about as bold as I can get as a concert sober. Still it was really nice, and being a bit more relaxed and comfortable, in the company of my boyfriend, it was a really wholesome way to spend time. I was really comfortable, and happy, and I felt very loved despite my awkwardness. Anyway, it made me think that I'd really love to go to more concerts, or gigs. Rammstein is supposed to play in Ireland next year, so I might drag Rubik man to that. He's not a huge fan I think, but I bet it'd still be super fun. A !

Anyway, that couple days there actually made me re-consider a couple things. In a good way. I realised that my stubborn want to stick to a certain idea of how future needs to go, might be more limiting than helpful. I had this idea that the next steps in my future are: save money, get house (preferably with Rubik man), and keep as much of my property as possible, and stay for sure in ireland. But now that I'm thinking about it, I think that maybe my stubbornness about it mainly comes from love of comfort, and dislike of change and unknown. I like things predictable, comfortable, and familiar. The biggest factor in where I move and how, is that I want to keep my animals. Which, to be fair, is quite limiting. And at least in part the reason why I wanted to just get a house here. But anyway. I'm not saying I want to move to the Netherlands. But I am saying that I should allow for the possiblity of changing plans, stepping out of my comfort zone, and considering that maybe... limiting myself to comfort zone, would prevent me from the possibility of a much happier, pleasant, and adventure filled life. Maybe if I stick only to my comfort zone, I'll spend the my whole life wondering if different decisions could have led to something a lot more fullfilling. And you know what, I don't really want that. So. Anyway. I think that's a good change of mind. We'll see where that leads.

I could probably write more, and I'm definitely forgetting a lot of things, but it's also 11 PM, and I'm a very boring 26 year old with a strict bed time, and i dont want to be a sleepy and grumpy grouch tomorrow at work.

I still can't really decide if I want to use this to just to post about my day to day life for records sake, or if I want to use this page to journal and get my thoughts out of my head. Maybe a train of thought about that might be a good start.

On one hand I want to just have it as a record of day to day life, memories, lists of books i read or want to read, etc. Something mine, my own little quiet corner of the internet, with that nostalgic old school feel that i maaaybe could show to my friends if I wanted to.

On the other hand, it would be nice to have a space to get my mess of thoughts out, so I could try to make sense of them, and I love the almost intimate, semi public feel of blogging sites like this. It feels not quite as bold as a social media account, just quiet, and small, and a space where its easier to shout thoughts into the void without the judgement of family or coworkers or people you might not be so comfortable sharing those thoughts with. But then, while that would make the page more personal, I wouldn't be able to show it to my friends. Which I kinda want to, maybe. Or my boyfriend (maybe hi, myBoyfriend).

Also while getting thoughts out on paper sounds good, I think faster than I can write, so it ends up being illegible and ugly, and distracting from the very point of writing to get thoughts out. So, "why not just use a word document?". I don't know, it doesn't have the same feel. I might just keep those 'therapy session journal-ings' here too, but on private. I don't know. But yes. I think, for now, I'm going to keep it as a record of my day-to-day life, and general thoughts, that are NOT so embarassing and private that I'd be unwilling to show this to anyone. So here goes it.

9/10/10

I had a really, really nice weekend. My boyfriend came down on Friday, and we went to see some friends on Saturday, and then we spent Sunday together doing not a whole lot of anything. And it was very great. My boyfriend (lets call him Rubik)), Rubik, has had a pretty stressful couple weeks recently, so on Friday I cleaned the apartment, and made it as cozy as I could, I got us a bunch of snacks, lit fairy lights, and picked some cozy movies we could watch. So we did that, and it was a really lovely quiet way to spend the evening.

On Saturday we went to our friends birthday party, most of which unfortunately I spent very out of it and feeling like I had trouble connecting with anyone or even not feeling very real. Which, to me, isn't too unusual. But I didn't cry this time, so that's something. (I've been trying to figure out some emotional issues i've been having. It's nothing to do with my friends, they're all fantastic people.)

Anyway, we stayed over until Sunday, and Sunday was perfectly fine. We all went to get breakfast, to a pastry shop, and then to a game shop. It made me think I might want to get into painting figurines, but not the Wargammer ones, I want to find a brand that does either cute little monsters or maybe real animals. Especially if I can find a brand that does arthropods AAA that would be so cool. When we went to the bakery, they had the coolest pasties I've ever seen. They didn't look real, they looked like some food straight out of a Ghibli film. So I got myself and my boyfriend a raspberry croissant, and some little chocolates.




Speaking of Ghibli films, me and my boyfriend watched a bunch over the weekend, and I can't believe I haven't bothered to watch them earlier. I think part of me assumed that they were over-hyped by everyone, and were probably good, but not anything too fantastic. But I really do love them. We watched Ponyo, Kiki's Delivery Service, and My Neighbour Totoro (but I did fall asleep during some of that). They manage to beautifully capture a childlike sense of wonder, and it makes me so so happy. They're so beautiful too. Oh, we also watched a stop motion movie called The House, which was really good. But as cool as anthologies are, after the first story, I just find myself not being able to focus on the other ones because I'm still thinking of the first. That being said, I did really like it. It was really interesting, and beautifully done and definitely will send me down the rabbit hole of seeing what other internet people think its about. Especially the first part though. The first part was the coolest.

Anyway, on Sunday we got back, and watched more movies, played cards a bit, and mostly just did nothing. And it was a really nice way to spend it. I didn't find myself thinking of work at all, and was nice to feel like we're in our own little bubble, and I felt very loved. Cringe blah blah, but it was very nice.

He had Monday off, so he stayed the night, and it made for a much nicer morning too. I tend to get up pretty early, at around 7, so that I have about two hours before work to myself, just to watch some stuff on youtube, maybe get breakfast, have a coffee, walk dog etc. But it was certainly nicer to have Rubik there.

Monday itself, was not too interesting. I got a conclusion to one of my projects at work finally, so that was decent. But also tomorrow will be a shitshow at work, because my boss has some very unreasonable demands in terms of the amount of work he expects done. He wants one pretty big project to be done and completed tomorrowm, and well, there's just no way. Surprisingly, I'm not too stressed about it. Maybe because it will be me, and 2 other people that will be dealing with it. But either way, I have found myself pretty emotionally detatched from work recently, which I think is good. I enjoy the work, and I care about it, yes. But I'm also not too stressed or upset about the thought of not being able to deliver more work than is reasonable. I figure, if I am doing genuiely my best, and putting in the effort, even doing extra hours, and that's not good enough... well that's too bad, and maybe they need a better fit. And maybe if they decide it's not good enough, I can find another job. But until then, I'm happy to just do my best.

Now, it's evening, and I'm trying to think of what I want to do. It is 9 already... I don't know if I want to try to do an early night, or play some games or read. I might try to read, maybe. I'd love to do more of that.

Anyway. That ended up being a much longer first post than I expected! But it was very fun to write. :)